Robots and Online Dating

There are plenty of articles about the horrors of online dating. It is written from the perspective of women. They are bad and shows the worst in men. However, it’s funny that there are no articles written about the hilarious adventure of a guy (trying to be a gentleman) dating. It is an adventure full of robots, no answers and wondering… What is all this chemistry talk? It’s no wonder that both sexes love and hate online dating.

Women have to endure the god awful one-liners, or the relentless offers to see a naked picture or asked to send one. It’s a wonder how we ever find each other. I am up for sending smoke signals and seeing who shows up. However, I fear that the California drought would just bring more trouble to this smoke signal plan. So, I must either try the old fashion way or endure the endless stream of dating apps that promise I’ll find the one.


Robots Need Love Too!

I know there are lots of great woman looking for that great guy, but what I didn’t know, is that robots need love, too. They are numerous and everywhere. They say hi and are generally nice. Then, all of a sudden, they need you to see their website. It’s like they want to have a private chat with me! With me!!! Not only that, but she wants to get intimate with me, well, I guess my good looks and charm paid off. Thanks, mom!

[Tweet “My only conclusion: robots need love.”]

However, this is a plea to robots looking for a hook-up; I can’t please all of you. The constant asking, begging, and even saying it multiple times, makes me want to help my fellow-men get matched with a lonely robot. Come on guys! They’re waiting for you! I am grateful they ask if I have a girlfriend… twice. Everyone knows asking the first time is never good enough. My only conclusion: robots need love. We are looking at our own apocalypse on Tinder. Oh sorry, “an app that is changing the world…” Yup, changing the world one hook-up at a time.

What’s Wrong With Hi?

I’ve always wondered, “What is wrong with saying hi?” Seeing several profiles telling men saying, “hi,” is the worst thing a guy say. I’m sorry ladies, you cannot determine if a guy has depth by the first introduction.  The basic introduction will always be a hi, hey, hello, or what’s up. I get it, you want substance, Thinking the first introduction needs to be a spectacular revelation is the wrong mindset.

We all need to come back to reality with our ever-growing expectation about the opposite sex. Men and women, for the most part, want the same things, we just want each other to have completely unattainable goals. Here’s a novel idea, say hi back. Find out if he is intelligent by having a conversation. I know, your mind was blown! Now you’re on your own the rest of the way. However, if you see a guy holding a giant jack card he’s good!

[Tweet “I know there are a lot of great woman looking for that great guy, but what I didn’t know is that robots need love too.”]

Why Does Every Woman Want Walter White?

Indeed, chemistry is on the mind of every woman. There’s no chemistry, I didn’t feel the chemistry, I just don’t think there’s enough chemistry. It makes me want to call up my old chemistry teacher and ask if he is available for tutoring sessions. My other theory is that every woman is madly in love with Walter White. He was a chemist. Or they secretly want me to step them up with a chemist.

[Tweet “Life is not about always pleasing you.”]

All this chemistry talk makes me wonder, do we really know what chemistry looks like? Are we so focused on the emotion we miss out on the person right in front of us? Are we always excepting instant chemistry in a society filled with instant gratification? If we think finding love is always a constant instant connection, we are all in trouble.

Life is not about always pleasing you. Do we treat love like that? Does it need to fit nicely in one date? Why are we unable to see beyond one date? Maybe I am used to the robots, but I believe in being patient and see what a woman has to offer. However, I that is a minority opinion. What I do know, I need a chemist on speed dial. That way I can text the girl a good chemist for their chemistry needs.

[Tweet “What I do know, I need a chemist on speed dial.”]

What You Say Can Be Used Against You

No, you’re not under arrest guys, but, your words could end up on Instagram, BuzzFeed, Tumblr, WordPress, Facebook, Twitter, and many more social networks. It’s like a smartass can permanently put his foot, or what he says will be on social media forever. FOR… EV… ER!

Dating has become a public display of people looking for relationships and finding them in all the wrong ways. It has come down to me saying hi, so, hopefully, a girl will not take offense by it. Some of you may say, “just be yourself.” Really, I’m a smartass, being myself can lead me saying something stupid, or blog worthy. I really don’t want to be another example for BuzzFeed. While I think about it, those robots are looking better and better!

Like I Should Be Taking A Number

Yes, just like the numerous robots wanting to have sex with me, I think the girl is dating multiple guys. However, I did get an answer to that question one time. Now, I wish I never knew. She was dating 16 guys. Sixteen! I felt like I was in line at the DMV.

[Tweet “She was dating 16 guys. Sixteen! I felt like I was in line at the DMV.”]

The problem here is that we (male and female) have too many options. We trample on people to find “the one,” forget how to gracefully end a relationship. We smile to say that we would do it again, but we rather run for the door, and end it with a text. The reason? A passive-aggressive text solves the world’s problems! Right? Wait, we should all hire those fembots to break up with those people. Here’s how the scenario may play out:

Break-up Person: I had a great time last night

Fembot: Me too!

Break-up Person: Let’s do it again! When are you free?

Fembot: I want to have a hot night with you, do you want to see my cam?

And scene! This will play for men and women. We could make millions of men and woman unhappy because of the cliché, cheesy responses, or, fembots. We will give jobs to thousands of bots that have been rejected. Now, they can reject everyone. The tables have turned! I think we’ve gotten the AI uprising all wrong. It will happen on dating sites.

Keep Boarding the Train to SingleTown

It may be a lonely journey at times, but it’s worth going back to. The older I get, the more I know, both men and women are terrible to one another. No gender better than the other. Men and women communicate differently. So I’ve devised a helpful guide for everyone. Call it the short list to dating well? Dating like you mean it? Oh, a guide to dating like a decent human!


  • If you’re going to show pictures of yourself, show your face.
  • If you insist on showing a dick pic, grab a friend named Richard and a take a picture with him. That should get a laugh.
  • Smile in your pictures. I am pretty sure women love a man who can smile.
  • The best relationships take time, slow down and get to know her.
  • Stop typing the ridiculous pick-up lines.
  • Read her profile page.
  • Understand that any girl is getting hundreds of emails a day.


  • It takes more than one date/meeting to get to know someone, so give him a chance. Unless it’s bad, then end it.
  • Stop using the “chemistry” excuse for everything. Most of the time you’re lying.
  • Stop having ridiculous expectations.
  • For the love of God or plain love, don’t write a novel on your profile page. You want a meaningful conversation, then leave some mystery.

It’s Not a Complete Guide…

It’s a start, but a complete guide. Seriously, I am not a dating expert, I’m an online robot expert? Oh dear, it’s happening! Quick, run for the hills!